Hello beauties,
  I have not been around lately and I missed the support I have recieved here. I am in the dreaded ed program. I swear that I have gained like a billion pounds already: I can feel the fat forming on my face as we speak. Its gross! I need to fast and like now. People dont understand what I am going through. They look at me and lie with their comments: your pretty, you have beautiful hair, your fine the way you are. WTF why are the lying to me? I am a freak, a huge obese disgustinly huge fat blob that is only getting more fat as the seconds roll by. I am going to scream. I want to escape and run and not turn back, run until all of my gross fat melts off my body and all that is left is perfection. I want to see bones, beautiful bones. Is that wrong? I dont think so! I am tired of this I cant stand my body right now! I am so fat and ugly. I used to be a cutter and I swear being at the bloody e center just makes me want to go back to that again. I have not yet, but I feel like I am going out of my mind here. I am told to eat, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack! WTF hello I am a freaking cow and they want me to eat all this sh*t. I am sorry if I am being a downer but I didnt know what else to do. I am completely lost here. 

Everything is so messed up right now. I feel like I literally have no control over my life. All I want to do right now is cry, but the tears never come. My family never thinks about what I want, or has enough respect for me to listen when I speak. I feel numb right now, and totally stuck. I can not stand this. I am tired of feeling this way. I would purge just to feel the pain but that is not an option for me right now, The only thing I have eaten today has been a salad andthat was hours ago. I am not going to binge because the thought of food just makes me sick. I dont know what to do. There is no none around that I can talk to without being told I am just acting spoiled, selfish, and immature. I am tired of being around fake people all the time, they dont really care about me, but maybe there isnt much about me to care about. I so want to scream right now, a release of all of my anger and frustration that has built up inside me that I can never express to those around me. I feel like such a loser: Im a fat nobady who cant even stand up to my own family about what I want in my life, I am so pathetic its not even funny. I am going to fast longer then I origanally planned because my body should match my emotions right now: empty, full of nothingness. I despise my lfe right now. How did my life get so f*cked up? I am sorry everyone I just needed to vent. My life is crumbling around me and I dont know what to do.

Hello to all the fantabulous people on this board: hope you all are doing great. I am like so in a better mood right now, I got out of going to an ed clinic my dr enrolled me in. I know I will eventually have to go but that day is not today. So to celebrate I am going to reward myself with a small b/p session (like hello I would so not keep junk food in my system: Like no way!) My family is not here today so I can so do that. Then like I starting the abc diet tomorrow, like is anyone else on that or going on that? If you are would you want to be like support buddies to keep eachother on track?  I will update my progress, or write as a distraction if I feel the need to stuff food in my already fat face. If anyone knows any thinspo qoutes, has pics, or knows of ana movie links that would be so awesome. I am going to keep reminding myself: When you say no to food your saying YES to thin.

Hey everyone! My first entry here so please be kind. I felt the need to vent all of my frustrations: If anyone understands where Im coming from please be kind and w/b (need all the support I can get).   


I am being forced into an ed clinic (day treatment) starting monday August 11th. Was given a choice either that or in patient. I feel like screaming! I dont even have in my opinion an ed, my dr's just are being mean. All I want is to be thin and see more of my beautiful bones. 

Like hello what the bloody hell is wrong with people. You would think they would want me to be happy, and so can not be that way while being obese. I like have 60lbs to go and then I will be perfect. I have stated my fast today and will update my progress (fast will last 4-5 days). I just had to stop my binge/purge cycle: acid reflux is a b**ch. The thinspo quote "Nothing taste as good as thin feels" is so true. I intend to feel very good hahahaha. 

If anyone is out there who could like understand and could like give major thinspo support on my journey to perfection, please that would be the like total fab!